7 years ago
Friday, May 29, 2009
HeRe is the Run doWn
I had hoped that by not saying much that people would mind there own business but this is not the case. So I am going to share my story. I was in a car accident 2 years ago. Since that time I have tried my absolute hardest to be the person that I have been told I am. I have tried to learn as much about myself through everyone else's eyes. I said what I thought I needed to say, I have acted as I have been told I was "suppose to", I have done everything in my power to fit back into the person who I was "before" the accident. I have only wanted to be loved. I have loved. I have trusted. Well I finally realized that life wasn't meant to be lived this way. I am a different person than I was before the accident. Yes there are similarities to the girl I was, but I need to be given a chance to make my own choices, my own mistakes, live my own life. That is what this is about. Trav is a great man. He has been through so much and been so brave and strong. He has suffered a tremendous loss. He has been so willing to completely live his life for someone else. But at the end of the day, that is not what living life is really about. We separated in early May and now we are getting divorced. There are worse things in life than a divorce. People act like death is better. Well it is not. I will always love Trav, our children are the most important part of of our lives. I am a really good mother. I love those kids and take care of them more than anyone else in this world. That will never change. Our heavenly father has given us the gift of agency, and yet so many of you would rather I live a life without mine. And you are wrong. I have suffered more than any of you will ever know. This decision didn't come easily and thanks to most of you it has been extra painful. People that i thought loved me have lashed out to me, in the most cruel and hurtful way. You have told Trav to take my kids away from me and that he needs to take everything and never look back. Well shame on you. The most shocking part is that the ones saying this are the ones who are the "church go-ers" the ones who really should know better. My Heavenly Father loves me and my family and he understands. Outsiders have no idea what I have been through or what I need, and yet you feel your selfs qualified to judge me. Well you are wrong. Our ward has turned their back on me, and as a result I am no longer going to go to my home ward. I have a strong testimony of my Savior and that will never change. I need to go where I can be accepted and loved. I will go to a ward where this can happen. The next time you open your mouth to gossip or judge someone I hope you will know that all that you say and do will be returned to yourself someday. Trav and I are very much still friends this will continue. If you truly want to help him you will stop bad mouthing me, and love him. Trust his judgment in this. He is a smart man, who knows me better than anyone, and if he can understand than maybe you need to as well. I hope to hear from anyone who can truly be a good Christ-like friend. Thank you for the prayers in my families behalf. They have helped us get to this place. They will continue to help us heal and get through this. I hope this helps everyone to calm down. We are going to be fine and our story isn't over, it is just changing a bit. Thanks for taking the time to read this!
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12 comments:
I wish you all the best.
My sister has recently gone through a divorce. Being LDS this is somewhat looked down upon and it was very hard for her the looks and comments she would get. But, I truly believe that not all divorce is bad. Now several months later she is the happiest I have ever seen her.
I wish the best for both of you!
Cindy,
I am SO sorry for what BOTH YOU and Travis are going through~ I am sorry for your kids and pray that no matter the outcome you and Travis are both great people who can keep that love instill of your kids. I have no words I do not understand but hope that through the gospel and the teachings you both can get through this hard time. I sometimes think people talk because they are angry and not that it is ok, people do it even when they LOVE the person they are talking about.
I would be fibbing if I did not say "I wish you guys could work it out", it is so hard to see 2 great people with wonderful kids that seemed to have had the life get divorced: But, I do not live with the both of you and I am not either one of you: Please take care and thanks for expressing yourself. Take care, I wish you all the best.
I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of this Cindy. And your right, no one knows how you've felt since your accident and how it has changed you but you. I'm proud of you for blogging this so everyone knows your side and what's going on. I'm glad you and Travis can be kind and good through it all. That made all of the difference in my family also. My parents are still friends to this day - they divorced when I was 12. It makes for happier kids when it is handled that way for sure. I'm glad you know Heavenly Father loves you, because that will always be true no matter what. Love you!
Wow, Cindy! I can not even begin to imagine what you and your husband have been through for the last couple of years. You would like to think that especially members of the church would be more understanding, but unfortunately most of the time they are the most judgmental.
I know that whatever path you end up on, the Lord will watch out for you and your family. I know that I haven't seen or talked to you in a very long time, but I do think about you and will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Wow Cindy, I'm sorry for all you have been through. It's absolutely true that we have no idea what people are really going through and we have absolutely no right to judge them from what we see. And NO ONE has the right to judge either one of you. And like I said in one of my latest posts on my blog, "I'm learning that not everyone has the same reaction or solution when it comes to certain situations. And just because one solution is right for someone else, it doesn't mean it's right for me." I feel like this thought applies to you too. Just because someone might handle it differently than you, it doesn't make you wrong. God knows you. He knows your heart. He knows what you've been through and struggled with.
And you're right, you've absolutely got to be true to who you are post accident. You've got to be true to who you are TODAY because the "today you" is all you've got. You can't wear yesterday's shoes that don't fit anymore. You've got to break in the new shoes that God's given you. You are so strong Cindy. You probably don't even know how strong you are but I can feel it from you. And you are so brave. Every time I think of you I think of the hell you have gone through and how brave you are for journeying into the dark tunnel without knowing if you'll ever see the light at the end. I will be forever grateful for listening to the prompting to go back and talk to you that day at Target when you didn't remember who I was. I cried that day for all you had been through and I knew that I could never even begin to understand what you had suffered.
You're learning what this life is all about Cindy and I applaud you for doing what you feel is right. The last thing I'm going to tell you is this:
Just because something is right doesn't mean it isn't hard.
God loves you Cindy, more than anything else in this world, he wants you to be happy.
If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to talk to, I'm here for you.
Cindy you are my best friend and always will be. You pretty much know where I stand already, but I will say it again. You need to do what makes you happy. I know for a fact that you are a wonderful mother and a beautiful person inside and out. You would never intentionally hurt someone or make a careless decision. This being said, I know you are making the RIGHT decision. For those people that think you are making a mistake, let them. If it is a mistake, it's your mistake to make. We are here to learn, grow, love, and yes.....even make mistakes. Your life with Travis was not a mistake. I know that you will always have a special place for him in your heart. He is a wonderful person and I know that two great people, like you and Trav, will continue to be great parents for your children. I just saw them yesterday and they were giggling and laughing. That is proof right there that they will be OK. I see your tenacity and love of life in each of them. You and Trav did great and you will continue to do great by your kids. I love you and I will always be here for you.
My thoughts don't always come out right, but here it goes...
None of us can even begin to imagine what you have been through during the past two years. You are a very stong person! You have done what you can to be the person that people wanted you to be, but really it's time for you to be happy and to be who you are now!The decisions that you and Travis will make about the divorce are only the business of you, Travis, maybe your parents and the Lord. They are not the business of everyone else and no one should be making them their business!! Heavenly Father loves you and he understands what you need to do. In this life there is one person that we can trust will never leave us and in fact will have his arms around us as we go through the trials of life and that is Heavenly Father. He loves us unconditionally!! The best thing is that he won't go tell his neighbor about it!!!! Cindy I wish you lots of happiness!!!!
You are stronger than anyone realizes....I am proud of you.
Our life experiences shape and change us. I know that when my husband went to Iraq in 2002, I became someone totally different than who I was. We both did. We struggled for 5 years to finally find peace.
It wasn't easy. My husband was different, I was different. We decided to stay together and work through it. However, there were many other couples that didn't stay together because of it.
Which choice was right? I honestly don't know. I wasn't privy to everybody else's personal lives. I didn't live with them. All I know is that what Talon and I chose to do was right for us.
IT TOOK 5 YEARS though. And it was not fun. It just was what we chose to do.
Am I happy with my choice? Yes. I felt it was right.
Cindy, do what you think is right. Then accept your choices and move forward. You are loved. Look at how many people have writen their support for you. I may not know you that well, but I admire your determination.
Right now, I am going through some very difficult things myself and I feel judged by my neighbor. It sucks. It doesn't feel good. I keep thinking that if she understood what was going on with me would she be so condescending? I feel as if I'm living in a glass box, but not everyone sees what the truth is in that box. Yesterday I was ready to run away or kill myself. And since killing myself isn't what I really want to do, I'm ready to run away.
I guess what I'm saying is that you are not alone. And there certainly are a lot of people that God sent to this earth that can relate to you and help you. I know that when I talk to Marcie, who always seems to be in some parellel universe with me, I feel better.
Now that I've rambled on and on, I think it is time to post this dang thing. I hope that my meandering thoughts have helped. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.
Cindy,
This is Megan. I have done divorce before and it was look down upon too but I got through it and people judged/judge me because of it. I wish you the best and I still want to be your friend because I am going through some very rough things and I could really use a friend. I know that we have both gotten busy lately but I reaaly do want to see you and I really would like someone to talk to. Let me know you have my number.
Cindy...I have not checked on your blog in awhile...I had no idea what was going on with ya- I wish i was there to give you a big hug. You are such an amazing woman, only you knows what is best for you and your family- NO ONE ELSE- follow your heart and the rest will work out. I think of you lots and lots, I LOVE YOU!!! I need to call you. XOXO
bncg7855Sweet Cindy,
We are so proud that you made the decision necessary for you and have been able to accomplish so much! We love you so much.
Dad & Carol
Dear Trav,
Thank you for taking care of Cindy and for making this process as painless as you could. We love you!
Ben & Carol
Nate, Brook and London,
You guys are amazing. We are so proud of you and hugs and love from all of us,
Grandpa, Gran, Mitch, Kalouha, Chester & Grayson
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